In a time like this…

When someone said they misses me, I find that hard to believe. Like, why? For what reason could that be.

I miss nobody, nobody miss me

Truth.

The truth is, I don’t think I’m good in handling the truth. Actually, the common reaction toward the truth from me was a disaster. And lots of pain. No wonder why people stop telling me what I need to know because I’m simply adorably sucks with confronting reality. Yeah.

Anyway, in order to be a better me this year, I’ve started to talk myself out. Just like old time. But in a more matured motivating kind of talk. The needs to be strong, to overcome the fear of reality.

Hello world!

Bored of constantly thinking about what’s next.

Easily bored by most of the things revolves around me, haven’t been empathy enough to show my gratitude, maybe I’m some kind of heartless-unsatisfied-meaningless full of shit.

Change. Actions. Drama. Adventure. Shocker. I need that. I need it all.

The new buttery feeling in my bones. The OMG moments..ok, I don’t usually say that three initials together in short pronunciation or in words. The thing is..I’m just bored.

I’d read a book once called Wabi Sabi. A book which taught me a Zen concept of life. The kind that allow ourselves to be completely numb with everything around us, so that hopefully ‘you’ll get what peaceful and calm supposed to mean’. Nothingness. I like it. Loved it. But completely SUCKS at it. Seriously. The thoughts of it are for a broken hearted person who never want to be able to feel euphoric in love ever again and I get it. I was once heart broken too. But, mann…I can’t do it. All the nothing last forever shits. It making me depressed and sad, and that’s not ‘nothing’, that’s a big freakin something written on my face. And it was superstitiously sucks-ing my life.

I remember when I was young, my nature was talkative and trying to be funny and shit. I talk about the thing I like and I knew, bout books I’ve read, bout places I went, bout shits. And as I grew up, I started to forget what I was to be happy, because I thought it ain’t real. And now this sucks life is real, isn’t that funny? (ok…it’s not)

I am a person, who’s easily attached to people around me, influenced by those I’m fully respect and attracted, emotionally and sometimes physically effected by surrounding. That’s me. And I found it weak from time to time. And that makes me hate myself. Fuck it. I shouldn’t. If I’m emotional, then let be it. If I am insecure and stuff, so what? Don’t make fun of me (talking to myself). This is me. I’m sure I’ll try to change myself to be a better person shit but at the end, I am who I always am and that’s suppose to be A-OK. This jinx’s gonna last..

so..here is it. My 1st post.

Let start again life full with challenges.